


I Want You To Want Me

by vaderina



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst?, Get Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Things aren't smooth in the course of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 14:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13032771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaderina/pseuds/vaderina
Summary: How do you tell someone you're ready to love and be loved?





	I Want You To Want Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aliaaaaaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliaaaaaa/gifts).



> This is for the amazingly wonderful aliaaaaaa. Happy birthday my sweetest ray of sunshine, hope you have an incredible day!
> 
> The story was inspired by this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ1TgnXu_Ak&list=RDMM7YAAyUFL1GQ&index=25

Throughout his life Percival had thought that he just wasn’t made for love. Nobody ever stuck by him, his lifestyle too linear and too dedicated to his work. There wasn’t anyone who could keep up with him, who would wait long hours at home when he got caught up in paperwork and forgot to cancel date night. Percival thought that it was probably for the best. He didn’t need anyone to make his life complete, he didn’t have room in his life for anyone outside of his work. There were flings, potential romances that fizzled out after one too many nights at the office, a few too many close calls where his aurors walked home but he was laid up in hospital. But that was his job, to protect and to serve. If someone couldn’t appreciate that then they weren’t compatible. Percival needed his job to feel whole.

Of course Percival wasn’t dumb. He saw the looks Newt gave him, the small gestures and the build up to their little coffee dates. Newt seemed to tolerate his dedication to his job. He never chastised Percival for missing a date, for risking his life out in the field. After all, the man too seemed dedicated to his job. They tried. Tried to make it work but after a few tentative months Percival could see Newt’s small frown when he got to a date an hour late because there was a report he wanted to read. He could see the way Newt stopped approaching him quite so often to have lunch together. Slowly they drifted apart, they saw each other in passing, in the hallways and they’d still smile albeit Newt’s would be tinged with sorrow. It was okay though, Percival thought, Newt shouldn’t have to wait around for him. Percival was a difficult man to love, an impossible man to love. It would have been nice if Newt could have coped with his lifestyle but it just wasn’t going to be the case.

There was no reason then why when Percival ventured out for lunch one day his heart should have given a painful thump when Senior Auror Weiss invited Newt out and the other man accepted with a shy smile. Weiss was a good choice for Newt, steadfast and sensible but with a flare of mischief that took years to curb. Percival hoped that they would be very happy together. He went about his lunch with his usual friendly nod and smile at Newt who blushed but followed Weiss out the door.

That evening Percival got home late, as usual. He waved his wand and a meal started cooking while he shrugged out of his coat, loosened his tie and put his shoes away. By the time he sat down at his table, tired, a bowl of simple pasta and tomato based sauce had floated over and sat steaming as it waited for him. Percival ate his meal in silence and his mind wandered. He was a solitary creature, one without habits as such because his work hours were so unpredictable. The oppressive silence of the house had never bothered him when he was younger. He needed the space to himself. Yet now, older, maybe a little wiser it just seemed empty. The rooms could be filled with knickknacks and mementos, he had a whole folder of letters of thanks from people he’d helped save. But they didn’t fill the void that had inexplicably crept up on him. Against all odds perhaps he did want to be loved. It wasn’t something he admitted to himself often, and even when it did he usually shrugged it off.

The next morning he went to work and kept a careful watch. He wanted to find out why he was so unlovable that nobody could stick by him for more than a few months. It wasn’t for lack of trying on his part, he thought. He’d had flings that lasted a few sordid days of mindless sexual pleasure but some also stayed for a bit longer. Then there were those, like Newt, who he would gently woo over weeks until there was the frail beginnings of a relationship. Except nothing ever moved beyond that. There were ample enough interested people so it wasn’t that he was unattractive, it had to be something more than that. He was honest about his work, about how that was his main priority so that shouldn’t have been a surprise. There were no lingering secrets that lurked in the dark, he wasn’t an addict. Percival couldn’t fathom what it was about him that seemed to turn people away from him so much. So he experimented. On his way in he smiled more, asked how people were. It got him a few concerned looks but over all people seemed receptive to his approach. So he kept it up. Watched as people turned to him with friendly smiles and actually came to him with issues out of his remit as director.

A few weeks of this and he was having coffee with a few of the aurors on their break and laughing. It felt easy, it felt nice. Suddenly people wanted to be near him. They kept a certain amount of distance still because he was their boss but there was a difference.

“I’m glad you’re here boss. Was starting to think you were an automaton!” Delego laughed as he drained his coffee.

“An automaton?” Percival asked.

“Yeah, you know. Work crazy hours, stoic in the face of everything. Mr. I Have No Needs forever alone kind of guy.”

Percival tried to laugh it off but it got stuck in his throat. The group fell into an awkward silence as they watched him, fearful of reproach. That hurt almost as much. Eventually he huffed out a weak laugh.

“Well, I’m sorry if I disappointed.” he rinsed his cup and walked back to his office. At least he now had a probable answer to his question. The fault had been in him throughout it all and not the others. In retrospect he should have figured that would be the case, it wasn’t possible that everyone else was at fault and he was right. Not in the face of so many failed attempts at relationships. But now that he knew he needed to change he had another big question to worry about. How do you tell someone you’re ready to be loved? Because that was his big problem. He hadn’t wanted to be loved, to be cherished because it might have meant he was a lesser man for it. It was almost a weakness to admit he needed to be loved. That he needed anything. It was why nothing ever progressed beyond those first few sweet dates. Because Percival didn’t want to be taken for a weak, needy thing.

Over the course of the following few days Percival wracked his about how to make changes, make things right. How to make himself lovable. His mind strayed to Newt, how sad the man had looked on their last couple of outings, quietly resigned to coming second to Percival’s work. Priorities needed to be changed, Percival realised. His reports and paperwork would be there the next morning while his partner might not. The more he thought about it, the more he realised he wanted to feel wanted. Of course he was needed at work but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t someone at home with him there purely because they enjoyed Percival’s company and wanted to share time with him. His mind kept straying back to Newt. Weiss hadn’t taken Newt out again since their first lunch date by the looks of things - perhaps they weren’t compatible either. Percival didn’t want to think about the possibility of Newt having found someone else. Not when he was ready to ask for forgiveness and another chance. The thought of begging Newt briefly flitted through his mind but he wanted to be loved, not pitied and tolerated. Begging was a whole new level he never wanted to sink to. The next day he went into work and his first stop was by Newt’s desk.

“Newt, would you like to get dinner tonight?” Percival asked, cutting straight to the chase. The other man looked up at him with a brittle smile.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea Percival, but thank you for the offer.”

“Understood. I hope you have a nice evening with your partner.” Percival nodded and willed his cheeks to stay their usual pale colour. He’d figured things out too late and Newt had found someone else already. Of course he would, he was kind, patient and actually knew how to love and be loved in return.

“Actually, I was going to spend the evening with Jacob, Queenie and Tina.” Newt clarified.

“Then…” Percival hoped that Newt would offer another night for them to try again.

“I don’t think I can spend another evening waiting for you. I’m sorry.” Newt said and picked up the permit he needed to file.

“Give me another chance? Prove to you that I can change.” There went Percival’s refusal to beg.

“But I don’t want you to change. I just. I wanted your attention. That’s all I wanted. But there’s only so many times I could realistically make myself stomp down the bitterness when paperwork won out over me once again. I’m sorry. I should have told you all this back then, not now. It’s irrelevant now.”

Percival stilled Newt with a hand on his arm.

“I’m sorry. I realise that now. I just hoped that perhaps you’d still be amenable to try again.”

“I need time.” Newt replied and pulled away. Percival stood rooted to the spot, his whole body heavy with rejection. Perhaps he really was better off by himself, unlovable after all these years alone. All the same, he wanted to make a change, wanted to see if there was happiness out there for him, even if it wasn’t with Newt by his side. So he continued to smile, to make time for other people. It seemed to work. Along with the easier, softer manners Percival found himself making other changes. No longer did he dress so formidable, his shirts weren’t so crips and white any more, he allowed more colour into his life. He even pulled out his brown leather shoes and shined them in place of his usual formal black ones. Over time he noticed people were so much warmer towards him, the invites for group drinks began to trickle through, people wanted to spend time with him. And on some of those nights he caught Newt’s eye before they both looked down to their drinks, embarrassed at being caught staring. The gentle ribbing was something new too. His colleagues picking up on his soft spot for Newt and the teasing became relentless. Oddly Percival welcomed it even if his heart broke a little each time he was reminded of his past mistakes and the potential happiness it cost him.

Somehow he’d become hung up on Newt. There was no logical reason for it and rationally he knew that Newt wasn’t his, probably never was. But it wasn’t possible for the brain to argue in the matters of the heart.

It wasn’t all fun and happiness now that Percival was actively trying to make himself more human. The lonely emptiness he went home to each night was a grim reminder that he was all alone and not getting any younger. After a restless night Percival was feeling flayed open and vulnerable as he made his way into work. There was a hubbub in the bullpen as people grinned and cheered. Newt was in the centre with a beaming Tina and Queenie. Percival’s stomach dropped even as he made his way over.

“I’m so happy for you!” O’Brien was saying and Percival wanted to turn around, head for his office and never come back out.

“Thank you. Tina is going to be my maid of honour. Newt’s Jacob’s best man.”

Oh. Percival’s clenched muscles loosened. When Newt’s eyes sought his out he even found it in himself to send him a small smile and a nod.

“Congratulations Queenie, that is wonderful news.” Percival said warmly and turned to his office. On one hand he was happy for Queenie, she had found the happiness she’d deserved. On the other hand he sank heavy into his chair and fought back his tears. He’d done everything he could to make himself open, approachable, lovable, and yet there was nobody who wanted him. The sniffle that accompanied the tears were wiped away. He didn’t have time to feel sorry for himself. It was unprofessional and utterly unworthy of someone in the position of director. A knock on his door had him straightening up and wiping his cheeks dry. Newt stuck his head round the door shyly and obviously balked at the sight of Percival with damp eyelashes and flushed cheeks.

“I could come back later.” he offered tentatively.

“It’s okay Newt, I always have time for you.” Percival replied and took a deep breath. He was okay, he could do this.

“Just before you started work, I wanted to ask something off the clock.” That got an eyebrow raise out of Percival. Before everything he’d been an absolute stickler for personal issues being discussed out of work hours. Work time was for work, personal issues were for the home and only the home.

“It’s okay. You can ask me anything whenever you need to.”

  
“In that case,” Newt cleared his throat, “was the offer of going out to dinner still available? I think. I think I’d like to take you out.”

Percival smiled broadly and nodded enthusiastically. It was something he very much wanted and until then he hadn’t realised how rarely he got what he actually desired outside of work.

That evening he was meant to meet Newt at 7 outside a small restaurant. By 5 Percival had put his things away and left the building promptly at 5:30 when all the other employees left too. Nobody commented on him leaving at a sensible time but a few people cast him surprised glances. At home Percival got ready for his date and in his eager anticipation to not keep Newt waiting he was loitering by the restaurant by 6:30. His hair wasn’t slicked back quite as severely as usual, his coat while still flashy didn’t give him the air of a bastion of solitude. Five minutes to 7 Newt arrived and he looked so surprised to see Percival there already.

“After you.” Percival opened the door for Newt and they headed in. The evening went by quickly, they were still friends, comfortable with each other but Newt seemed more relaxed now, his smile given more freely so much like when they first started going out for coffees. At the end of the evening Newt walked Percival home and they agreed on another evening out the following week.

Time passed by and Percival got into the habit of leaving work with everyone else. His reports waited patiently for him and the world didn’t end when he pushed deadlines back. His evenings with Newt grew in frequency and each time he showed up on time, sometimes with flowers, sometimes with an extra creature, Newt would look delighted.

Evenings at home became less oppressive when he knew that he would see Newt again the next day. Even better were the nights Newt came to visit him, bringing his suitcase along too. The best night though was the one when Newt stopped going back to his place and called Percival’s place home.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me on tumblr - @ladyoftheshrimp


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